5 Habits You Should Ditch Before Getting Into A Relationship This V-Day

As humans it is our basic and core need to belong and love. The initial stages of a relationship gives us butterfl ies and makes our heart all gooey but the aftermath of some relationships is not always like we see in movies or read in books; it’s horrid and ends with one of the partners feeling sad, upset, and even resentful.

If you are someone wanting to get in a relationship after a bad breakup and are scared or if you are someone new to the pool of dating and relationships excited to try it out, this is for you.

DROP these 5 habits before you get yourself into a relationship -

1) Changing yourself to be the ideal person for your partner

Do you fi nd yourself wanting to be everyone’s cup of tea? You want to be liked, you want to check all the boxes your partner has, and you are ready to put in that effort?

Being willing to make an effort is a great thing but changing your likes, dislikes, beliefs, and values for your partner never works in the long term. Knowing yourself and loving yourself can make a lot of difference in a relationship. If you show your authentic self, the relationship feels authentic and gives the relationship room for growth.

However, if you change yourself to be liked, you will soon fi nd the relationship taxing and exhausting. You will most likely be frustrated and feel lost. Hence, it’s your turn to check in with yourself and ditch this habit.

2) Letting your own emotions go unchecked

It is easy for one to experience a range of emotions in a relationship. Ask yourself, how often do you experience a positive emotion and how often do you experience a negative emotion in your relationship? Are you struggling with this? Okay, now answer this ; how often do you address the emotions evoked by your partner? Your partner is likely to evoke strong feelings. For example, if your partner talks about their ex and how they were better than you even just to tease you, it’s very likely that you will experience anger, embarrassment, sadness, or some uncomfortable emotion. If this emotion goes unchecked and a reaction comes out of it - yelling, leaving the room, giving a silent treatment, it all can lead to some damaging behaviours.

Feeling emotions is not bad, but what you do with those emotions matters. Learning how to check your emotions and cope with them in a healthy manner is key to a healthy long relationship.

3) Neglecting yourself

Compromise is important in a relationship but not at the expense of your own needs. We tend to forget ourselves and our needs many times in a relationship. Giving up on your favourite Pilates class to talk to your partner because they are available only at that hour once or twice is okay but to make it a regular thing? Not so much. Skipping coffee and lunch dates with your girlies or saying no

to boys night to avoid hurting your partner’s feeling because they feel bad when you hang out with your friends - not okay!

Devoting yourself to the relationship and your partner is importbar but not at the expense of yourself and your happiness. While this might seem like a symbol of love and dedication, it can and it will eventually lead to you feeling burnt out, exhausted, and drained. This can lead to more fi ghts and arguments in the relationship or even worse, unrealistic expectation from your partner to meet your needs, making the relationship feel unfulfi lled. So, start prioritzing yourself now!

4) Holding grudges

Ditch holding a grudge not only for your relationships sake but for your mental and physical health’s sake also. Holding a grudge is like slowly poisoning yourself.

It is inevitable that your partner at some point will hurt your feelings and let you down but suppressing those feelings is not going to help rather it is going to make it worse.

Have you experienced your partner under the infl uence of booze act out in a way that makes you super angry and upset but instead of talking about it the next day, you simply decide to forget and move on? How does that go? Do you engage in lovey dovey talks or is it passive aggressive silent treatment? Think about this,

Holding a grudge is going to cause more harm than good to you. It is highly possible that if you were to even move on and engage in those lovey dovey talks, the next time you have to go out for a party, this grudge is going to pop up as fear or a concern making your night sour.

Try acknowledging your feelings and emotions fi rst and then bring it to your partners attention for a strong and healthy relationship.

5) Seeking constant reassurance

Seeking reassurance is not particularly uncommon and we at many instances need our partner to get us out of our own head and support us. For example, “tomorrow’s meeting is going to be just fi ne, do not stress.” However, if you fi nd yourself constantly seeking reassurance from your partner by saying things like, “are you sure I look okay?" or “did you mean it fully when you said you love me” or “you promise you won’t leave me,right” is an indicator that your inner dialogue is not the healthiest.

Seeking constant reassurance in a relationship can be damaging and it becomes even more difficult to maintain such a relationship in the longer run. It is important to reframe your thoughts, so you can trust yourself without always needing your partner.